


That's How You Get the Guy

by mordredslullabies



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-05
Updated: 2017-06-15
Packaged: 2018-10-14 23:49:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 11,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10546434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mordredslullabies/pseuds/mordredslullabies
Summary: Letters / e-mails between Ronan and Adam as they discover their feelings for each other and what they're going to do about it.Each chapter is another letter / e-mail.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Oh man I'm posting this from my iPad so I hope the spacing and everything is the same as on my laptop. I wrote this a good long while ago and just never posted it. Warning: characters are probably OOC because this is me writing for magical kids in Henrietta. This does not take into account really much of anything that happened in The Raven King.
> 
> Also, I gave Adam an older sister because I don't know why. I like adding original characters to the mix.
> 
> Updates should be fairly regular. Like twice a week.

Hey White Trash,

  
What the fuck was up with Gansey this afternoon? I swear, I can’t keep up with all of his temper tantrums lately. One minute he’s talking about how much he hates Kavinsky, he’s the scum of the earth, doesn’t want me hanging around him, and today he was talking about how amazing a person he was, how he didn’t deserve what happened to him, that it was awful. Bullshit. You think maybe he’s trying to just be nice because I was there? Because it was my night horror and his dream dragon that really caused the whole situation? I mean, the Bulgarian fucker actually kidnapped my brother and stuffed him in a fucking trunk. I shouldn’t feel sorry for what happened. Maybe Gansey is trying to compensate for the fact that I spent a lot of time with Kavinsky when you two were playing politics in D.C.

  
Anyway, if you’re not busy working your 5,000 jobs after school today, can you drop by Monmouth for a bit? Or I can drive out to St. Agnes. It’s been a while since my last confession, anyway. And since I’m sinning most days, might be a good idea to say a few Hail Mary’s. But I need your opinion and expertise on some Cabeswater shit. And since you’re my little magician, you’re really the only man for the job. Let me know, fucker.

  
Lynch


	2. Chapter 2

Ronan,

  
Really? White Trash? Sometimes I don’t know why I talk to you. At least I don’t insult you. Well, except for calling you an asshole. Which, you are. And for the record, before you defend your little insult there, I am former white trash. Okay? Leave it alone.

  
Really, Ronan, I can’t field between you and Gansey fighting anymore. Okay? I have too many other stuff on my plate and my own disagreements with him and I have no idea what he really thinks regarding Kavinsky. Personally, I think he got exactly what was coming to him, and I don’t feel bad. I feel nothing at all, because Kavinsky was nothing. He means nothing to me. Why would any of us care?

  
What were you doing with him, anyway? I mean, he certainly couldn’t be good company. I know you spent that little weekend with him learning how to take things out of your dreams. And I know you were around him because he would street race with you. But other than that? You two weren’t close. It’s not like you were best buddies or anything. So I’ve really got no idea why Gansey is being sympathetic all of a sudden. I think he just doesn’t like to see people die. Even useless assholes like Kavinsky. Whatever. Don’t think any more on it.

  
I’m working till 9 tonight. What do you need? I mean, feel free to drop by St. Agnes whenever after I get off, but it’s going to be late and I’ll be tired and probably will start a fight with you. If you’re willing to put up with that, come over. I’m off work tomorrow at 5, so tomorrow might work better if you want me on Cabeswater duty. See you whenever.

  
Parrish


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess warning for talks about Rovinsky? I don't know if that's your guys' thing, but Kavinsky remains dead, so it's just Ronan talking about the whole Kavinsky ordeal. With my own take on it, because I physically could not see them as just friends. Like, sorry, I couldn't.

WHITE TRASH,

  
Sorry not sorry. You know my teasing is out of love, yeah?

  
I’m going to tell you something I’ve never told anyone before, and I don’t want you to freak out, and I don’t want things to be weird afterwards. I haven’t ever said these words out loud. But Noah knows, because I don’t know, ghost people are weird and it’s like he can read my mind or something. He’s creepy like that. And I think Gansey’s starting to figure it out. And I hate lying and I’m sick of keeping secrets and it’s just…weighing on me since I’ve finally accepted it.

  
Kavinsky and I were sort of…a thing. Like…romantically? I mean, there’s not much romance in a guy who punches the shit out of you and then does lines of coke on your stomach, but you know what I mean. We were sleeping together. God, it feels weird saying that to you. Is it weird? I mean, I don’t even know how it started. I was just really angry and hurting and I didn’t know which way to turn and there Kavinsky was, with his damn Mitsubishi, racing me. And the thrill of it was so exhilarating and made me feel alive and I just wanted to feel alive and high in more ways than one. And when Kavinsky offered…I don’t know. There was something about him. Beneath the general fucked-up attitude he had, there was something there.

Something almost nice. Something almost…sweet. God help me for saying that about Kavinsky. But he didn’t always treat me like shit, you know. I was one of the only people he was ever truly nice to at some point in his life. So yeah, when he said he wanted to make me feel good, I decided why not? Why can’t I do something reckless for myself once in a while? Why can’t I indulge? And I broke my rule of no casual relationships. No casual sex. But then again, it became a lot more than casual. I think I became addicted to the way Kavinsky made me feel. Like I mattered. Like I was worth something. Revered. He knew what I wanted and he gave me what I needed, and it worked. It cleared my mind. It made me feel okay for a little while. And he kept offering, and I kept coming back for it, and I couldn’t help myself.

  
It was sort of relieving, being with him, because for the first time in my life someone saw me. Not Ronan, Niall Lynch’s son, or Declan’s younger brother, or Gansey’s off the rails friend. But me: Ronan Niall Lynch, the boy who takes things from his dreams, the boy who likes other boys. And told me it was okay. My religion doesn’t take too kindly to homosexuality. I figured I was going to hell either way, just for feeling this way. So if my thoughts were already condemning me, then it wouldn’t make a difference if I acted on them. It was hard; cracking brainwashing is always super hard. But I’m okay now. And that’s why I’m telling you.

  
You’ve probably already guessed it. Maybe I wasn’t subtle, but I’m not ashamed anymore. I, Ronan Lynch, am gay. And that’s okay. And you…as much as you fucking irritate me sometimes, are someone I consider important enough to know these pieces of me. If you’d rather not know, sorry. If you have a problem with it, then fuck you. But I hope you don’t. I don’t sock dude’s parents in the face for nothing. You’re not half bad of a person, Parrish.

  
Ugh. I feel dirty and embarrassed now. You don’t have to write me back. This letter was stupid.

  
Lynch


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you times a billion to everyone who has commented or send kudos my way! I can't believe you all are actually enjoying this? It was just a little plot bunny that consumed me and I literally wrote this MONTHS ago and wondered if I should even post it because I just didn't think it was good enough. So thanks for sticking around!
> 
> Posting should be every Tuesday and Thursday until I finish up for good.

Ronan,

  
Your letter was not stupid, okay? It wasn’t stupid. Maybe I don’t agree with everything in the letter, but it was pretty far from stupid. I just…

  
Okay, I’m gonna take this step by step. Ronan, I don’t care that you’re gay. If you are, then that’s your business. Do it unapologetically. You have nothing to be ashamed and embarrassed about on that front. You’re still the same asshole I’ve come to know and love. It’s good that you’re okay with it now, and you’re telling who you want to tell. I’m honoured you consider me among those people. Thank you for telling me. I might have had an inkling before, knowing and seeing you over the years, but nothing was ever confirmed, and it wasn’t my place to comment. You’re allowed to live your life. Persephone recently told me that if you don’t want someone to know a piece of your life, then you don’t have to tell then. It’s your life, your choices, and that’s enough. Embrace it.

  
But while being gay doesn’t bother me…really, Ronan? What were you doing with Kavinsky? Out of all the guys you could have chosen, you choose him? I don’t care if he was nice to you sometimes, he’s still a raging psycho. He beat the shit out of you and then snorted coke off you? How is that in any way respectable? Why would you lower yourself to his level when you deserve more than hate fucks and pain? Maybe that’s what you needed to feel alive, but fuck Ronan, that’s not okay. If you’re going to be with someone, don’t be with abusive assholes.

  
Take it from someone who has experience in this field. I know we always gloss over it and make jokes about how I’m trailer trash, but yeah, that’s how I grew up. I grew up with a father who hit me, who punched, who kicked, who pushed me around my whole life. And I thought if I stayed silent and let him do this thing, everything would be okay. I loved my dad, and maybe he needed to use me as a punching bag for some reason. It was easier to sit back and let it happen. But you know what you and Gansey taught me? That I didn’t deserve it. Just because it was all I knew, just because my father told me I was useless, didn’t mean that that was the bottom line. I was meant for more. I know that now. And I will always be grateful for you giving me the strength to press charges. But it’s always going to be a stain on my life. I’m deaf in one ear as a reminder that I let people push me around, that I used to think that’s what I deserved, but I’m over that now. It gets to you. Your mind set can change, and I don’t want that to happen to you.

  
Ronan, you are such a better person than Kavinsky. Even if you share some distasteful qualities with him, you were still worth more. You are worth more. So I don’t understand why you felt like he was the answer to the anger, to feeling alive, when the thing that should make you feel alive is being with someone who actually worships you, who doesn’t dilute your sense of purpose and treat you like a piece of flesh they can push around and bruise for their own amusement. You need someone who’s going to treat you right, and Kavinsky was the wrong choice on so many levels.

  
It was your choice to make, and it sucks that you’re going to have him as a stain on your life forever. Maybe you loved him. I don’t know how far your relationship went beyond sex. But at some point, you had to have realised you didn’t deserve it, that he was unhealthy for you. Is that why the main event on Fourth of July went on? You just stopped hanging out with him, told Gansey he was messing up Cabeswater and needed to be stopped, and I don’t know if something clicked in your head that told you being with Kavinsky was wrong, but whatever it was, it was a good choice to get away from him. You didn’t need him. Maybe you wanted him, and that’s sad, but now you can move on and be stronger for the experience. I’m not pleased you were with him, but it’s not my life, and I don’t really have a say over what you do and who you do it with. So sorry if I’m overstepping my bounds a little bit.

  
If this makes you want to stop telling me things, don’t. Because I’m about to tell you something that might change your mind: I might be into guys too. Not exclusively like you (remember Blue?), but I’ve been sort of thinking about my sexuality lately, and I don’t find the idea of being with another man that repulsive. It’s confusing at best, but I don’t know. I’m bi? Something else? Haven’t really put a label on it, but I think I’m open to the idea of being with another man romantically and sexually. And that’s something I’ve never admitted out loud before. You’re hearing the breaking news, first, from the source. Hope this makes up for the rest of the shit I said in this letter.

  
Parrish


	5. Chapter 5

Parrish,

Holy shit, you admitted something to me? Not only that, but you thanked me? Is the world ending right now? It’s the Apocalypse! Watch out, world, Adam Parrish is in touch with his emotions and actually admits his opinions!  
Ha. Fuck. Thanks for being cool, man. I mean, I didn’t think you wouldn’t, even if Henrietta is a fucking backwards place to live in, but it’s still somewhat relieving to hear you say you’re cool with it.

Regarding Kavinsky, obviously you can have your opinions. I don’t think it was necessarily right, because I disagree with you. I don’t think being with Kavinsky was wrong. That kind of relationship he provided me with, it worked. It was fine. It was what he both needed. It was exhilarating and wonderful and at points, it was good for me. I think because I was so distant and seemed angry and distracted around you guys made it seem a little more sinister than it really was. I mean, granted, I did a lot of things I probably wouldn’t have done that weekend. Because I was fucked up on drugs. I mean, not like in a way that Gansey would be disappointed—I never dabbled with coke, no matter how many times Kavinsky offered it to me—but I did take his dream pills that sent me to Cabeswater. And those things can fuck you up a lot. Did Gansey ever tell you that we sent him a dick pic? Not my proudest moment. I mean, Kavinsky sent it without asking, but I was there and I let him take it. It involved my private parts and an Irish flag, and it was just really cringe worthy. But Kavinsky was funny. And was fun to be around. It wasn’t always bloody noses and bite marks. There was a lot of special moments that was enough to make me stick around.

I wouldn’t say I was in love with Kavinsky, but I definitely felt something other than lust for him. I cared about him. I wanted to be in love with him. I wasn’t exactly there yet, but there were more than platonic feelings going on. At least, on my part. But the gist of why I left was this: Cabeswater showed me what a relationship would be like with someone who did respect me. I don’t know if you’re right in saying I deserved more, but I just knew that I wanted more. I stayed with Kavinsky because despite the rough edges, there was good, and I liked that good. But it wasn’t enough. And he issued an ultimatum I couldn’t quite compromise on: It was us or them. I couldn’t have you and Gansey and Noah and still be with Kavinsky. He wanted all of me. And I couldn’t give all of me to someone who was only half with me in terms of giving me the affection I needed. So I left, knowing that he wasn’t what I needed or wanted anymore. I was searching for something more. And I’m still searching, I guess.

I mean, it hurts that Kavinsky’s dead. My feelings didn’t die overnight, even after everything he did, but what’s done is done. It was an experience. It was my first pseudo relationship, and I’ve learned and grown and I’m looking for something different now.

Curious to know you might be into dudes, too. Want some practice knowing what it’s like to be with a dude? Figure if I’m single and searching, I might as well help a dude out. ;)

Lynch


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all of the comments on the last chapter!!
> 
> I hope this one doesn't disappoint. Adam's got a lot of shit to work through.

Ronan,

~~Are you hitting on me?~~

~~Are you suggesting we hook up? I thought you didn’t do casual.~~

~~….Do you really mean this or are you kidding?~~

~~Do you have a crush on me?~~

~~Are you messing with m~~ e?

Ha. Good one.

I’m glad you found out on your own that you wanted more out of a relationship than what Kavinsky could give you. Still don’t know what you saw in him, but then again I didn’t know him like you did. So I guess the joke’s on me.

Don’t give up on searching, though. I’m sure there are some other lovely guys in Henrietta you can be with. Or…what about when we graduate? Are you staying here? I know you love the Barns and all, but I can’t help reminding you that you’re destined for really amazing things out in the world. It would do you good to do some searching outside of this hell hole.

See you in Latin class.

Parrish


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's short. I know. Sorry. I'm just glad I remembered to post it at all with the amount of stress I'm under.

Lynch,

Are you mad at me or something? You’ve been giving me the cold shoulder all week. Was it something I said? I mean, usually when you’re pissed you let me know about it. You let everyone know about it. Loudly. What’s going on?

Did I piss you off so much you won’t even speak to me? Don’t leave me hanging. If I did something, I want to know how I can fix it.

Parrish


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you so much for leaving comments and kudos! You all are amazing! I'm so glad we share a common love for these assholes.

Parrish,

Hey, no man, you didn’t do anything. Don’t worry about it. It’s not you.

It’s me. Hey, how’s that for cliché? No, for real, it’s been a shitty week. I haven’t been able to sleep. No, that’s a lie. It’s more like I’m afraid to go to sleep. Every time I do, it’s nightmare after nightmare and I don’t want to bring more stuff into this world that doesn’t belong. I’ve been sleeping at the Barns because I’m scared of taking hornets and wasps out. Like usual. But I’ve been trying to stay awake. And believe it or not, I’m trying on a little thing called self-restraint. I haven’t really been speaking to anyone because I’m cranky as all fuck and I don’t want to start wars when there’s no need to. I know, rich coming from me, but I’m not a total bastard all of the time. I do have a good, compassionate side, too.

Sorry for making you feel like you did something. We’re cool. I’m just feeling fucked up this week. Promise when I’m better we’ll hang, yeah? What’s your work schedule looking like?

Lynch


	9. Chapter 9

Lynch,

Okay. Glad it wasn’t anything I did. I was worried there for a second. But now I’m just worried about you and your mental health. You can’t go without sleep for long, Ronan. And I don’t think isolating yourself is going to help any. Maybe you need to feel safe and not so alone.

Look, I’ve seen you at your worst. I’ve seen what horrors your mind comes up with. I’ve been there when you’ve been bloody and broken, dying at my feet. I know I sort of freaked out then, but not anymore. I can handle it. If you need somewhere safe to land your feet, spend the night at my place. I promise I won’t even make you sleep on the floor this time. Provided you don’t hog all the covers. And punch me in the face while you’re sleeping and stuff. But for real, my bed is available if you need a place to crash and feel comforted. You need to sleep. Get the nightmares out of the way to peaceful dreaming.

I work every day this week. Until 8, so I should have some time to get homework done and talk with you if you’re so inclined. NO ALCOHOL, though. I live in a church, for God’s sake. We are not getting drunk together.

Let me know what you decide. Take care of yourself, Ro.

Parrish


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shit goes down this chapter. Finally.

Adam,

~~Fuck I didn’t mean~~

~~I’m sorry about what happened~~

~~I didn’t mean it~~

~~Just come back to me~~

What happened wasn’t planned. I’m sorry that it happened that way. Truly. I told you, bad things happen to me when I start caring. And I was sleep deprived and very much out of it, and I didn’t realise what I was doing until it was too late. That wasn’t supposed to be a part of our night. I thought I would just show up, make a few dirty jokes and get a little flirty without really meaning it, talk to you about some shit, and then we’d go to bed not disturbing each other and that would be that. Clearly, my brain had other things on it. It sucks that this happened.

But I’m not sorry it did. I mean…fuck. Adam, I’m not sorry for kissing you. I’m not sorry about what happened between us. I like you, Adam. After everything happened and after I spilled my guts to you, I realised you fit the description of everything I was searching for. You’re a good guy, Adam. You care about people. You push them to be better versions of themselves. You listen when they speak. You respect their space. You make things seem brighter and better than they actually are. You treat people like they’re the most important person in the room. And not in Gansey the Politician way, but like in a real way, that lets you know that when Adam Parrish pays attention to you, he’s decided that you’re worth his time. And I felt that way when I was around you. It wasn’t like you weren’t easy on the eyes either, you know.

So yeah. I guess I developed a slight crush on you. But I wasn’t gonna do anything about it. It wasn’t my place. I don’t like dealing with emotions because it makes me vulnerable to others, but somehow I always find a way around that when I’m with you. Which is like the universe giving me a sign. I mean, we are the only two living souls who are in tune with Cabeswater. Gansey might be the one searching to wake up this sleeping king, but at the end of the day it’s you and me that hold this magic inside of ourselves. It’s like we’re on another plane of existence. It’s like Cabeswater is telling us that we’re meant for each other. That sounds fucking scary and hokey at the same time, and if you think that’s too much to handle or I’m being too serious, I don’t mean to pressure you or make you feel weird about anything. I’m just telling you how I feel things.

But yeah. The feelings are there. And I tried the humour approach, and you made it clear you didn’t want me that way, and it was okay. I was fine just being your friends. But Freudian slips happen. And that was last night. My brain was going a mile a minute thinking about how safe and warm you made me feel, and what it would be like to kiss you, just taste you, so I can know, just once, what it felt like to be with you. And I guess my limbs didn’t get the memo that my brain’s thoughts were just that: thoughts, and not something to be acted upon. I screwed up and I caught you off guard and I don’t know what this means now. What you mean. What you’re feeling. Please don’t shut me out. Please. I’m anxious as hell that I just ruined our friendship. Noah is side eying me. I’m about to blurt everything out to Gansey, and that would create a whole slew of other problems I’m not ready to deal with.

Adam, please.

I’m sorry.

Don’t give up on me. Tell me what you’re thinking. I want to know, no sugar coating. Lay it on me, good or bad. I don’t want to lose you, but if that’s what it’s come to, I’d rather know straight up so I can stop guessing with what’s going on.

Ronan


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Promise you'll get Adam's response on Thursday.

Parrish, please.

I’m not above begging. Or grovelling. And Ronan Lynch doesn’t beg or grovel.

Say anything you want to me. Just anything. I’m going crazy from the silence.

Just say something.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've always felt that Adam was super anxious and particular about planning out his life and his time, so I hope you feel I did his character justice in this chapter.

Lynch,

What do you want from me? Why are you doing this to me now? It’s not as if I didn’t know you were into me. You’re not subtle. Maybe I encouraged it too much. I don’t know. I don’t know what to do about anything of this. You are without a doubt the most confusing, infuriating son of a bitch I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. I haven’t decided if that’s a good thing or not.

I’m not…I’m okay with what happened, Ronan. I am. I think. I know you didn’t mean to, and you wouldn’t have done anything if you had been in your right mind. I understand that. But now you have to understand, you’ve put me in a really precarious position here. And I can’t help but think that your timing is really really shitty. It’s not the act itself I’m bothered by, it’s the timing of the act. Why now? Why is the universe allowing this to happen now? There’s too much at stake, and I can’t handle it, Ronan. I can’t handle this.

We’re graduating seniors. I have to pass my classes and make sure I get a scholarship so I can afford to go off to school and become a lawyer, like I’ve always wanted to do. I don’t want to have anything holding me back. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life in Henrietta. I hate it here. There are too many bad memories, too many horrible things that the good memories and good people can’t erase. This place is tainted for me. I want to graduate Aglionby and get the hell out of here, not look back.

We’re so close to finding Glendower. And once that’s over, what’s going to happen to Noah? Is he going to disappear or fade away, or what? Gansey’s made it clear that when he gets what he came for, there’s no reason to stay here. He’s expected to go back to his parents, to attend his father’s Alma Mater, and continue on with his life as if none of these quests existed. Blue’s going to stay here with her family, work all this psychic mirror stuff out. And you…

Sometimes I wish I didn’t let myself get close. Not just to you, but to any of this. When I started at Aglionby, the plan was to keep my head down, get through classes, work my ass off, and then leave. Leave with no ties. And then Gansey invited me into the group. And then I met you. And everything became off kilter. I began to care about the people I would leave behind, feel remorse and a tug at my heart, almost like homesickness, at the thought of leaving you behind. Why do you think I always ask what you’re going to do with your life, Ronan? It’s not just because I think you’re better than this place, but because I want you to come with me. I want you in D.C. with me. I want to keep seeing you. Keep feeling something from you. I don’t want you to stay holed up in the Barns. I want to experience the good things in the world, and I want you to, too. Perhaps with me.

And now everything feels like a mess. Why did you have to kiss me? Why did you have to make me want more? Make me want to have you kiss me again? I’m running away from you because I don’t know how to deal with this. I have a plan, and I don’t know how you fit into it, and it’s terrifying me. So what if we start something, and we graduate, and I leave? I just leave you here? And we stop being together, like nothing ever happened, like neither one of us existed in the other’s lives? I don’t want to look back and say, “Yeah, this guy Ronan was my senior experiment. We messed around till school ended and then we went our separate ways. Wonder if he’s okay, if he’s still in good ol’ Henrietta.” I want to wake up one day, you lying next to me, and think, “We made it out of that place together. And I couldn’t be happier.” I see a future with you, Ronan. And I didn’t want to do or say anything about that because I’m scared. I’m scared our time is almost up. That we’re not going to get to explore anything. I wanted to wait to see what we were going to do after graduation. Learn what you had in store for your life, and go from there.

It _hurts_ , Ronan. To know I _can_ have you. I can have you. But for how long? That’s the part that kills me. I can’t go headfirst into something without a plan, without knowing where we’re going to end up. You’re always so fucking spontaneous, and you always take me along for the ride, and I never know when we’re gonna get off. This time, I need to know where to get off before I get on this ride. Otherwise, I can’t do this, Ronan. No matter what I feel. Not this time.

Adam


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you times a million for all of your lovely words and kudos!

Adam,

I didn’t mean to fuck this up, I swear. Fuck! I’m sorry that I’m an ass. I didn’t mean to put this kind of pressure on you, Parrish. You know I don’t _expect_ anything from you, right? I didn’t mean to make this hard on you or force you to make a decision. I know you’ve got a lot on your plate right now—with school and Glendower/Cabeswater and jobs—and I didn’t intend to add any more stress to that lot. Mark down another point in the Ronan Lynch Always Fucks Up column. It’s growing spectacularly at this rate.

Adam, I don’t want to make this worse on you. If you can’t handle being in a relationship with me, then we can just be friends, no strings attached. After we graduate I would stay here in the Barns and figure out what I want to do with my life. I would even answer my phone if you called to chat about how shitty college is and visit you on the weekends when you’re not busy. If we do get together, I promise you that we would make it work. I’d follow you anywhere. Maybe I would do something in art—they have art museums in D.C., yeah? Or—I don’t know. Something. We’d travel together in the summer and split rent on an apartment and live, like a normal couple doing nice, normal things. With added spontaneity to spice things up. I’m never going to lose that spontaneous streak, kid. You’ll just have to deal with it.

The point is, if you choose me, if you decide I’m worth your time or that I fit nicely into your life or whatever, then I promise I will make it worthwhile. I don’t like to give up the things I love without a major cause. I promise I will be there through every stop on this ride: get off with you when you wanna get off, keep riding if you want to, take detours…I feel like I’m making this metaphor shitty. What I’m trying to say is, you don’t have to worry about what you’re worrying about. That’s probably not much help. But I’m not going to abandon you or take off without you and make you regret things. I’m in it, 100%. As long as you want me.

I really feel like Gansey should weigh in on this. Dude knows how to give advice for every situation. But if I tell him what’s going on in my mind, I think he’ll catch on to the fact I’m talking about you. I’m not sure if you’re comfortable with me telling him anything. Even if you don’t want to weigh in on any of the other shit I’ve said, can you at least indulge me this? I have a tendency to screw things up and sabotage because of my own self-destructive thoughts, and I need someone to call me out. I can talk to Noah, but he’s cryptic and vague and not usually much help.

Please don’t give up on me. We can just be friends, if you want. Just don’t cut me out of your life entirely.

Ronan


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a couple of things before we get started:  
> 1\. I am NOT posting any emails between Ronan and Gansey. Because, come on, the boys live together. And Ronan has his shit together, he just needs someone to calm him the fuck down. So I didn't really feel the need to put in Gansey's reaction.  
> 2\. And thus enters original female character I mentioned somewhere before. Yes, I'm giving Adam an older sister because he needs someone outside of the group to talk some fucking sense into him. I didn't feel like anyone else could give him the perspective he needed so I made up a character that completely would never exist and it's kind of ridiculous, but just go with it. She and Adam send a few emails back and forth, and she's a little enthusiastic but I think she honestly was the only one who could get Adam's head out of his ass and get him to assess the situation more throughly.
> 
> Anyways, you guys have been so great and I hope this character doesn't lose you all.

Ronan,

I’m just gonna need some time to figure out what’s going on. But I did want to write you back and tell you some things I haven’t ever talked about before.

First off, well—yeah, okay. Talk to Gansey. I think that’s okay. It’s probably going to get awkward, but if you need to talk to someone about this, then I’d rather it be to someone like Gansey. He knows what he’s talking about. I would never deny you the chance to talk to someone about this situation when you need to, so go for it. Explain away. I’m comfortable enough with him hearing what’s going on. He had to know eventually, if we plan on having a relationship (IF! Not saying we will!) so this is just kind of like a heads up.

Second…I need someone to talk to about this, too. And this is where I have to tell you something. I know I talk about being an only child a lot, and it might seem like I am, but I’m not the only Parrish kid that exists. I have an older sister. She’s four years older, and she’s been gone from Henrietta for a very long time. I didn’t know where she was, if she was okay, what was going on in her life, for a very long time. She wanted it that way. She…wasn’t okay, when she was here. My dad’s an asshole. I think we’ve already established that. But she wasn’t okay mentally with what was going on to either of us. She was really depressed. Her junior year of high school, she tried to kill herself. Of course, she didn’t succeed, but after the doctors cleared her, she cleared some of the things from her room and took off. No one knew where she was. She called me out of nowhere maybe three months ago, and I’ve been keeping it in, because I didn’t think anyone would understand.

She went travelling, trying to find herself. She hitchhiked her way to Arizona, stayed there for a bit, then found herself in New York. That’s where she is now. But she ran into someone she went to school with in Henrietta, and it got her thinking about home, and then she looked it up and heard about my trial against Dad, and reached out to me. She’s doing a lot better now. She’s not suicidal and she’s just as great as I remember her. And I think I’m going to talk to her about us, get her advice, because she seems like she knows what she’s talking about. If you’re okay with that, and all. She’s my sister. Surely you can understand that.

Thanks for thinking of my feelings, Ro. It means a lot.

Adam


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realised at like 2am this morning I totally forgot to post the chapter. So, enjoy this chapter a day late. And I'll be posting an extra chapter this Sunday as apology.

Parrish,

Geez, dude, there’s a female version of you?

Sorry, that sounds rude. But I am an asshole, so.

Anyway, I get why you didn’t tell anyone. Following Persephone’s advice there?

Go ahead, talk to her. If I’m talking to Gansey, you can talk to her, no problem. She’s not gonna blab to all of Henrietta that her brother is in a maybe gay relationship.

Good luck, dude.

Ronan


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First letter from Adam to his sister! Hope you enjoy this. Adam gets real in touch with his issues here.

Dear Olivia,

It’s your brother, Adam. I figured it would be easier to write out what I needed to say to you rather than have this conversation over the phone. And I’d never ask you to come back to Henrietta to have this talk face to face, and I can’t go out to New York, so good old fashion letter writing is in order for what I need to talk about.

It’s got nothing to do with you. It’s me. I need your advice. I know we haven’t talked like brother and sister for a lot of years, but I could do with your worldly wisdom on this kind of situation because I’m lost and hurt and I really don’t know what the right thing to do is here.

So here’s the deal. It’s not about Dad or family or anything like that. It’s about a guy. Yeah…a guy. I’m into a guy. He started out as one of my best friends. We fought a lot. Made fun of each other a lot. And I didn’t realise that all of those times we argued and butt heads was because he meant something to me. And then I noticed that he may or may not have a crush on me, and I started thinking about what it would be like to be with him, and I liked the idea. I wanted to be with him. Romantically. It was a new sensation for me and it took a while to get used to it, and I was okay with feeling it and not making a move.

Here’s the problem: he made a move. He was over one night and he was slightly drunk and he just kissed me. And I kissed him back. And the next day we talked about it, and he wants to be with me, for real. But I don’t know what to do about it. Henrietta, specifically staying here after graduation, isn’t on my radar. And Ronan—that’s his name—has grown up here, and likes it here, and feels very strongly about staying in his childhood home, now that he’s able to. I don’t want to give up too many details on him, but he’s a difficult person to suss out. His father was murdered a few years ago, and Ronan found the body, and he struggled a lot with it. He was found in a church with bloody wrists and almost died and was on suicide watch for a while. The will his father had stated that he and his brothers weren’t allowed back in his family home if they wanted their inheritance. And he spiralled out of control for a while. He was really angry. He would argue with all of us, cut us out, do damaging things, including hanging with the wrong people, and drag racing. And then something bad happened, and he mellowed out. He’s a lot better emotionally. But he’s also unsure of what he wants: he’s unmotivated, he’s secretive, he’s self-loathing, and I don’t know how to make that better. I also don’t know if that’s going to drag me down, considering I want to have a future, and Ronan’s seemed to give up on his. I don’t want him to resent me for any reason or think anything untoward. I also don’t just want to leave him here and go off and pretend like he doesn’t mean something to me. I’m just so confused and frustrated.

Because how could I let someone affect me like this? I didn’t go looking for someone like Ronan. He just sort of snuck up on me. The more I was around him, the more I began seeing things that I loved, that I wanted to challenge. Most people in Henrietta give him a wide berth and think he’s the angry devil child, uncivilised and uncultured, but uses his money to work around that. He’s brash and unpredictable with his emotions. But there’s a depth to him, too. He cares deeply. He does things, huge sweeping gestures, because he feels like it, and doesn’t expect anything in return. He’s a beautiful dreamer, and smart, and worth a lot more than he thinks he does. He’s affectionate and polite (when he wants to be) and has a heart; he only shows it to those he truly wants to get to know him. He’s complicated, and most certainly a mess, but that’s what I really like about him. And I suddenly find myself thinking that Ronan’s so engrained himself into my life, that I don’t remember what it’s like to not have him in my life. And if he suddenly weren’t a part of it, it would feel like a giant hole in me, like something really important is missing from my life, you know? I don’t know if you do.

And I kind of owe everything to him. He came back for me that night. He dropped me off, and he knew Dad would be angry with me, and he came back for me. He socked Dad in the face. And it got him in trouble. I was deaf in one ear, and all I could think about was the cops handcuffing Ronan. And I couldn’t let him get in trouble because of me. So I pressed charges. I turned against Dad and everything I was supposed to have done because of Ronan. Because he took a chance and risk and gave me what I really wanted: to be free. And he did it because he didn’t think I deserved to be hurt by the one person who was supposed to love me. And I will never forget that.

So, I don’t know what to do. Do I chance a relationship with him, knowing it might all fall apart when I leave for college? Or am I too afraid to take that chance because I’m afraid it will survive and I’m scared I don’t deserve that kind of happiness? I just don’t know what to do. People in Henrietta already whisper about me. None of them have a high opinion of me. I work two jobs to put myself through school. I turned my back on family. So to have them whispering about me being gay—being in a relationship with another boy—is the least of my concerns. Feelings, mine and Ronan’s, are what are making me hesitant here. I could sure use your advice on how to deal with this situation.

That is, if you don’t hate me for anything that’s happened. Or if you’re not okay with me being with a guy. Yeah, that.

Love, Adam


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I've stated, Adam's sister is a little enthusiastic, but she's got some things to say that Adam really needs to hear.

Adam,

Oh, my dear little brother. You’ve got yourself into a little pickle here, haven’t you?

Can I just say I’m sooo happy you decided to write to me? That you feel you can talk to me about this kind of stuff? I know I hurt you when I left. And I know we haven’t talked in a hell of a long time. And the fact you still have faith in me just goes to show that the family that MATTERS will always stick together. I think I forgot that for a while. And I’m sorry, again, for leaving you like I did. I’m a sucky older sister.

But this is my chance to make up for it!

Adam, I’m totally okay with you being interested in men. Maybe Ronan’s the only guy you’re comfortable dating. Maybe not. But guy, girl, whatever the other person identifies as, I’m okay with it. As long as they aren’t an asshole to you, date whoever you want, and be confident about it. It’s all good over here on my front. It doesn’t seem like you’re struggling with teenage sexuality angst, so at least you’ve got that down pat.

So you’re just worried that either a. things won’t work out and you’ll be miserable leaving him, b. you’ll go away together but he’ll start to resent you for following you away from his home, and c. if it does work out perfectly, you’re scared that it’s too good to be true and you don’t deserve happiness? Hmm, okay little bro. Let’s dissect this. When it comes to relationships, things are always fucking tricky. There’s no right formula to have to make all your ducks fall in a row. You’ve gotta leap in and go with your gut feeling, push away anxieties, and just go all in, wholeheartedly. If you get together with Ronan, there’s no guarantee you’ll be together forever. Really, there’s not. And I know it sucks to hear that, but it’s the truth. It takes time and effort and people to make a relationship work. And even with that, sometimes two people just really aren’t right for each other. Of course, I don’t know how you and Ronan interact, so I can’t really say that, but you just have to believe that you’re meant to be and try with everything you have to make it work. And if you achieve that and it pays off, allow yourself to be happy. Maybe you don’t deserve it (you do), or maybe you don’t FEEL it, but it’s Ronan’s choice to be with you, regardless of what you think. HE thinks you’re worth it, he thinks you deserve it, he WANTS to be with you, and that should be all that matters. Put your insecurities aside and just allow yourself to be with him, otherwise you’re going to sabotage your relationship, and no one wants that.

This is all taking into account you actually try to be in a relationship with him. Which is my advice, by the way. Are you really going to leave something that can be good for you, and not try with this boy, because it MIGHT not end up where you want it to? So you’re just going to suffer through the rest of high school and leave it at a what if? I’m sorry, bro, but that is the WORST thing you could do. Don’t leave it. If you feel something, don’t pine. Doesn’t do anything good. You both want to be together. Go for it! I will literally come down there to Henrietta and kick your ass if you don’t at least TRY and see where things are going to go with Ronan.

The future isn’t always set. You’ve got to let Ronan do what he thinks is right for himself, and you’ve got to do what’s right for you. If not coming back to Henrietta is what you feel is right for you, then don’t come back. I certainly haven’t, and I’m okay with that decision. If Ronan really cares about you, he’ll meet you halfway and go out to wherever you are, provided he chooses to stay in Henrietta. Long distance is hard, but hell if it isn’t worth it at some points. If he goes off with you, don’t feel guilty or act like he’s bound to resent you. He’s doing what HE WANTS. He wants to be with you. He wants to make it work. And you’ve got to respect that. But remember, compromise is key. He’s gonna do some things you want, you’ve gotta do some things he wants. It’s give and take. And communication. But I think you guys have got that communication thing down pat if you both know how you feel about the other. Does he knows you’re writing to me asking my advice?

Anyway, your situation may be complicated. And it probably feels like this relationship happened at the absolute worst time it could. But life doesn’t wait for when it’s convenient. It just happens. And you’ve got to make the best of it. Just try, because I think you’ll be really disappointed in yourself if you don’t try and make this work.

I’m gonna need some photos of this Ronan dude, you know. And more than a description of ‘he’s the typical guy who thinks he’s badass but is really a softy’, because that tells me NOTHING about him. Gotta look out for my little bro and make sure his boy isn’t going to hurt him, you know what I mean?

Love you! You think you wanna come out here and visit me when you’re done for school? I don’t know what your summer plans are, but I’ve got a nice-ish apartment and my roommate is really cool about guests staying over. Are you gonna be stubborn about me paying for your plane ticket? Because I want you to save up your money for books and tuition. You can pay me back when you have a little extra spending cash, at your convenience. No interest accrued (:

Olivia, aka THE BEST OLDER SISTER A GUY COULD HAVE :P


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so glad for those of you who liked Olivia! She's got like one more letter left and then it goes back to being between Ronan and Adam.
> 
> And speaking of, there's only like 5 more chapters left until the end of things. It's wrapping up. I've got another story I'll be working on after (in another fandom) if any of you are interested in learning more about it.

Olivia,

Thanks for the advice. And yeah, he knows I’m writing to you about this. He’s talking to one of our best friends, Gansey, about it. And I wanted someone else to talk to, and you were the first person that came to mind. My group of friends aren’t always the best to talk to about this kind of stuff. There’s me, the poor kid whose dad abused him. Except they never exploit that, because they’re respectful about that kind of thing. Then there’s Richard Gansey III, who’s gonna be the greatest politician on earth someday. He’s amazing to talk to, but Ronan kind of stole him out from under me. Gansey is rich, but I think sometimes he forgets he is. He’s got us on a little adventure in Henrietta, trying to wake up a sleeping Welsh king, who grants favours to those who find him. Or so the legends say, anyway. Then there’s Noah Czerny, whose not altogether with it, who drifts in and out, and seems to know all of our secrets, but is terrible with advice. And there’s Blue Sargent, a girl from a family of psychics. I’m sure you remember 300 Fox Way from when you lived in Henrietta? She’s a spitfire, feminist, and smart girl. And just so happens to be my ex-girlfriend. So, talking to her is really out of the question. We’re a small group, but they’re kind of like family at this point. And of course, there’s Ronan Lynch. Who’s the point of all of this.

I attached a photo or two of the gang altogether so you can see us all. Blue is, obviously, the only girl in the group. Noah’s the one with white hair and the smudge on his face. Gansey’s the one in the glasses. And Ronan’s the one smirking at the camera like he knows all your secrets. And you know what I look like, obviously. But yeah, that’s my group. And that’s Ronan. He looks different in the photos with us than he does in other ones. He looks dangerous and angry when he’s alone, but he’s a lot more than that. And he only directs it at himself, never at any of us. He cares about us too much to be too much of a dick to us.

I don’t know what else you want me to explain about him. He sings this really annoying Irish song all the time just to annoy us. He buys me lotion for my poor hands when they get chapped during the winter. He makes dick jokes in Latin. He goes to church every Sunday without fail (Irish Catholic—and he takes his faith very seriously). He takes care of his ailing mother and makes sure his younger brother is okay on a daily basis, even though he doesn’t technically live at home anymore (his childhood home is empty—his older brother is off at school, his younger brother lives at the dorms in Aglionby, his mother lives somewhere new, and Ronan lives with Gansey and Noah). He drives his dad’s really old BMW, even though it’s scuffed and he certainly has enough money for a new one, because it’s a piece of his memory kept alive. He drinks too much alcohol, and then sleeps in said car because Gansey doesn’t allow alcohol in their apartment. Or he crashes with me. He knows nothing about cars but listens to me talk about them without seeming like he’s bored (though he more than likely is). He’s just—he’s Ronan. I don’t know.

Thanks again, for your words, and your take on the situation. I wouldn’t be writing to you if I weren’t sure that Ronan wasn’t going to make me happy, or if he wasn’t something I wanted. I wouldn’t be getting into a relationship with anyone who would hurt me the way Dad did. You don’t need to worry about that. Despite it being an archetype, he really is the asshole who cherishes the things he loves and shows the softer side to them. That’s just how Ronan works. He doesn’t show you who he truly is unless he implicitly trusts you and wants you to stick around in his life.

I’m still not sure what I’m going to do with him. If we’re going to stay friends or be something more. He’s been cool about giving me time to decide what I want to do. I’ll let you know what I decide. Your words taken into consideration, of course.

About visiting you—

I guess I would be okay with you paying for my ticket IF I did get to pay you back in full, at some point. I don’t want you to just buy one and spend that money without a guarantee you’ll get it back. I want to pay you back, but I’m okay with it. When I have time off from work, I’ll let you know what works with my schedule and I can visit.

I kind of wanted to ask you to my graduation, but I didn’t know how you’d feel about being back in Henrietta. That way you can meet the gang and see me again before I see you in New York. Graduation I guess isn’t that big a deal, but no one’s coming there to see me get my diploma, and I thought it might be nice to have one family member there since Mom’s not talking to me. If you’re not comfortable with that, no worries. I get it.

Adam


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone's support means the world to me.

Adam,

YES!!! I will definitely be there for your graduation! I wouldn’t miss that for the world, kid. Why would I give up the chance to see my baby bro graduate from a prestigious academy? Henrietta be damned! Yeah, I hate it and it will, no doubt, bring up bad memories, but it’s worth it to see you in your element. And to meet your friends. How much did you tell them about me? Just tell me where and when and I will find my way out there to support you.

Also, of course you can pay me back at your own leisure with the plane ticket. Yeah, just let me know when your schedule allows it and I’ll see to the arrangements and get back to you about it. We can probably figure it out when I’m in town for graduation.

Your friends all look lovely. You can tell Gansey is privileged, but one of the nice privileged people who don’t flaunt it in your face or look down on you for not having as much money as him. I’m glad you found that friendship with him. No doubt he keeps the whole group grounded, if Ronan’s going to him for advice. Noah is positively adorable. I want to eat him up, he’s so cute. Is that creepy? He just looks like that adorable punk boy who’s extremely NOT tough and loves glitter and is distracted easily by shiny objects and that’s like so cute. He seems fun. Oh, and the ex-girlfriend (is her name really Blue? I mean, with psychics as family members, maybe so. It’s a cool name), is so pretty and short and looks like she can kick people’s ass, but can also be sweet as apple pie. Things just not gel well with you two or what? She seems great. But then again, if you’re into Ronan, there’s probably a reason why you two aren’t together anymore.

Oh, and Ronan. You have goooood taste, baby brother. Are you sure he’s gay? That he doesn’t like older women?? Just kidding! Looks like you’ve got a good one on your hands. I don’t fall for the tough guy exterior. Plus I thought I remembered that name from somewhere! Doesn’t he have an older brother named Declan or Liam or something? It’s the Irish family, yeah? With the dad that travels places all the time and is super rich by selling people ancient artefacts? I think I remember hearing about them. Cool, dude. Sounds like a nice group of friends ya got there for yourself.

I still say go for it. I just think with everything you told me that he’s super sweet and understand and will be supportive and stuff. But, you know, we can talk about that later. Still can’t believe my baby brother is graduating soon!!! I’ll talk to you about everything and meet your friend then! Just give me the info and I’ll book a flight and get time off work to support you.

Olivia


	20. Chapter 20

Ronan,

I don’t have everything figured out yet. I’m sorry that I’m wasting so much time trying to piece together shit. I’m a terrible person. I don’t know what you see in me, anyway. I’m just the son of some asshole who beat him. Not like I’m special or anything.

I got to talk to my sister. A lot. I don’t think I’ve ever been happier to talk to someone before in my life. It’s been so long, you know? It’s like…if Matthew suddenly disappeared from your life for five years and never told you where he was and then out of the blue he appeared back in your life. That’s Olivia. She was my rock, my shield. The only reason I survived as long as I did and pushed myself to leave the hell hole I called home was because of her. I miss her like crazy.

But I talked to her, and told her what was going on. Well, most of it, anyway. I didn’t tell her about all the magical shit in our lives. I figured that might have been way too much for her to handle at this point. But I told her briefly about our situation and what my friends were like and what had been going on since I left the trailer. Excuse me, double wide.

And guess what? She’s coming for graduation. That means you gotta work your ass off and graduate from Aglionby with Gansey and me. Please don’t argue. Whether you think you want to graduate or not, whether it’s worth the effort or not, please just do it. For me and Gansey. For us. For yourself. For your family. For whoever the fuck. Just do it to say you did and then fuck off for the rest of your life if you want. Just graduate high school, please. I want you to be there to meet her. It’s kind of a big deal for me and I know you’re not good at meeting new people and now that she knows all this stuff she’s gonna be assessing whether or not you’d be a good boyfriend for me, but I really want you two to meet and get along. It’s really important. Do you think you can do that, loser?

Get back to me when you can. Thanks, dude.

Adam


	21. Chapter 21

Adam,

Ha fucking ha. Yes, I can graduate. I can work my ass off and study with the best of them and make it to graduation. What do you take me for? Of course I'll pass. I mean, I was thinking about giving up on my education altogether but you totally convinced me I was worth saving. Sorry, I'm a sarcastic asshole today.

It's really good that you talked to your sister. I don't know how I would feel if Matthew disappeared from me forever like she did. Well, not forever, but yeah. Five years is a long time without a sibling you care about. I hope she's doing well and I'm really glad she's coming here to see you. She must really love you, considering Henrietta is such a shitty place to come back to. If she left, she probably didn't hedge her bets on ever coming back. So it's nice you have someone who will be there for you on your big day, family coming to see you. It's too dangerous for my brothers to be there, even though they said they wanted to come, but I won't let them. One of us should have family cheering us on at graduation.

As for your claim you aren't special, fuck you, Adam. You're special. Doesn't matter what shithole you were raised in. It's your potential and your ability to rise above it that makes you better than your asshole father will ever be. You're not just the son of a man who abused you. Yes, you are Adam, a study in survival. But you are also Adam, the mechanic. Adam, the magician. Adam, smart guy. Adam, caring idiot. Adam, the boy who won't receive handouts because he wants to make his own way in the world. You're Adam Parrish, the boy I fell in love with. You're worth more than even I've discovered yet.

Yes, okay. I dropped the L word. Sue me. (Not that L word. Unless you're secretly a lesbian and I didn't know it. Are you a lesbian, Adam?) I don't float words around lightly. But I was reading some stupid story (hey, I read!) and I realised that what the author was using to describe one of the boys falling in love with the other was the same helpless fall, this oil spill, this magical flight of descension, was aligned with what I was feeling for you. And I'm not saying that to make you feel like you have to be with me. I'll be okay without you if you so choose. But damn do I wish that we could be together. Even if it's just for one night. But that's not for me to decide.

Let me know when you're ready to talk.

Ronan


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter after this and it's the end!!

Ronan,

Thank you. Thank you for believing in me. I know that sounds cheesy, but you and Gansey and Blue are really the only ones who have ever thought that I matter. You're different than they are, maybe because your opinion matters more to me than theirs does. But it's nice to hear when you're pleased with something I do. And it's so nice to hear that you care about me. That you love me.

Honestly, Ronan, before you I never really thought about being with a guy before. I saw you with Kavinsky and I could tell there was something more going on, at least from him, because he was seriously crushing hard on you. And I wondered what you would think about another guy being attracted to you. And then I began to think about what it would be like to be attracted to another guy. And then I started questioning everything. And then you told me you were gay and I couldn't really keep it inside anymore. I have you to thank for a hell of a lot in my life. My sexual awakening, my group of friends, Cabeswater and this magical feeling, getting through school and work, getting me away from my father and giving me the courage to press charges. That's all you.

I don't know when or if I can use the L word. (No, Ronan, I'm not a lesbian.) But I want you to know that if I can't say it, it doesn't mean I don't feel it. I show my affection in different ways. In looks. In the brushing of hands. In...other areas yet to be discovered. Can I trouble you for a one on one meeting to talk about some things and see what's yet to come, see if we're on the same page? I don't want to shuffle this away and pretend the attraction isn't there. I think it's time that we dealt with us hands on. Plus, Gansey keeps giving me these looks. I don't know how he feels about us, but it's clear he wants us to do something, and whether it's calling it quits or being together.

I just...think I'm finally ready to talk about things. And get this over with. So I'm free to talk Thursday morning or afternoon. I have to work at 6:30 but any time before that works. Especially since it's that fundraiser day at Aglionby and I doubt you're going to make your merry little way to class. Don't worry, I'm skipping too. Come by whenever.

Adam


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We have reached the end of the boys' journey! I am so grateful to everyone who read, commented, and left kudos over this fic. I was so nervous about posting it and I'm so happy people enjoyed it. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sticking around to see these two idiots fall in love through their own words.

Adam,

I hereby declare this our Derek and Meredith post it note rules to follow. I mean, it's not our marriage post it note, just our relationship one. And it's too long to fit on an actual post it note...But you get idea. The rules are as follows:

  1. Adam will always come back to visit Ronan, even though he hates Henrietta. Ronan's only request was not asking to stay, but asking to come back. Doesn't have to be every weekend, but some weekends and holidays would be nice.
  2. Ronan will always inform Adam of what's going on in his life, even when he thinks it should remain silent or when Ronan is feeling like the shittiest person on earth and doesn't want to bother Adam with his First World Problems.
  3. Ronan and Adam when hanging out with the group (Blue, Gansey, and Henry) shall not third wheel anyone and act too lovey dovey in public. Which means minimal PDA. These rules do not apply if on a double date.
  4. Ronan needs to find a hobby outside of the Barns. Take cooking classes or learn how to be a mechanic. He needs a hobby and a job to focus his time away from Adam.
  5. Ronan and Adam promise not to lie to each other, ever. And to talk through their relationship problems when they want to slam the door and leave. And not give up every time they have a fight.
  6. Ronan and Adam will reevaluate their living situation after Adam is done with undergrad. Living situation may depend on Adam going to graduate school or law school.
  7. Ronan and Adam reserve the right to add and change these rules as they apply. They both have to agree on the change beforehand.



Signed by

Adam Parrish

Ronan Lynch

Witnessed by

Blue Sargent!

Here you go, asshole. For your records.

:)

Love, Ronan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I gave their signatures cool different fonts on my iPad but apparently it doesn't translate on here, so that's a bummer.


End file.
